


Accidental Dick Pic

by abluerose



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, slightest mention of hansy bc I love them
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 13:12:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10640541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abluerose/pseuds/abluerose
Summary: Based off that tweet: http://reinventlou.tumblr.com/post/158034291877/someone-turn-this-into-a-fic-ill-pay-you-with-my





	

Draco Malfoy had fucked up. He had fucked up big time. If there was a day he could use a time turner and erase past events, it would be today. Or rather, last night. Bugger the semantics.

"I'm dead, Blaise. Absolutely fucked." Draco groaned, propping his pounding head against one hand and holding a large cup of strong coffee laced with a sobering potion in the other.

Blaise hummed in agreement before patting his friend on the back, "That you are mate, metaphorically and physically. Drink up."

Draco ignored Blaise and set his coffee down. "Who let me keep that dreadful muggle device in my hands while we had Ogden's finest at our table?" Another groan left Draco as he slumped down against the couch, eyes shut tightly. Maybe if he just went back to sleep, he'd wake up to find that it was all a dream.

A laugh escaped Blaise before he responded. "You did. After going on about pleasing Granger with your skill to adapt to muggle devices at and I quote, 'an impressively fast pace exclusive to Malfoys.' Why don't you just confess your crush like normal people do?" Blaise shook his head at the memory, unsurprised at how Draco always managed to complicate things for himself. "It's not as if Granger would hex you. You're already decent enough friends."

Draco's demeanor suddenly flipped, his face sullen and mouth in a pout. "Then why didn't she accept my invitation to join us last night?"

At this, Blaise rolled his eyes, quite tired of Draco's moods after a full year of pining for Granger. The pout and posture reminded Blaise of a younger Draco who didn't get what he wanted when he wanted. "Draco, you twit, you asked her on a Monday night. The first working night of the week. Why in Merlin would she want to spend a Monday night at a drinking party for former Slytherin Marcus Flint's win in quidditch?"

"She hates me."

Blaise didn't bother to hide his scoff as he watched Draco wince at the hangover twinges and sulk over Granger simultaneously. Gone was the snooty, pretentious boy he had known at Hogwarts, reduced to a moping and eternally sighing mess.

"Wait a minute," Blaise leaned in a little closer to observe Draco's face. "Are you...about to cry? Mate, you're hungover, not pissed."

Almost immediately, Draco grabbed a nearby pillow and covered his face, mumbling. "Why did I do this to myself?"

There was a moment of contemplation from Blaise, his eyebrows furrowing. "It was an app wasn't it?" Contrary to Draco, Blaise had gotten genuinely attracted to muggle devices like cell phones once Granger had introduced them to the wizarding world, astonished by what they could accomplish. "Snapchat just allows people see the pictures for like ten seconds at most." If he recalled correctly. Hopefully Draco hadn't sent a chat message or something.

"A sixth of a minute that's gonna ruin me!"

Blaise considered telling Draco that he was now bordering on wails rather than groans but decided not to, opting for more constructive advice. "Mate, you've got to get ahold of yourself and stop being so dramatic. So she saw your dick. She'll either be scarred, indifferent, or angry. It's Granger, the best of the Golden Trio." He didn't mention that she could possibly react as all three, another laugh bubbling at the thought.

Draco sat up and sniffled, slowly growing to accept Blaise's reasonable explanation. "Maybe you're right, Blaise."

By this point, Blaise's eyes would end up rolling out of his head. "You've got to get to work anyways, the Minister of Magic wouldn't like her prime advisor to be late. And it's already," He glanced at his gleaming Cartier watch. "7:48."

As if a switch had been flipped, Draco snapped to attention, throwing on his cloak as gracefully as possible and grabbing his untouched coffee as he stepped into the floo. "Thanks mate."

Draco's thank you might've sounded somber but Blaise waved him off, grinning at the idea of his friend and Granger finally confronting the matter of being together. He'd finally have some peace about the two and have a break from being a therapist slash match maker. Though there was still the matter of Pansy and Harry...

Draco on the other hand, waiting for the sluggishly slow Ministry lift to reach the top floor, was still thinking back to last night's events while grudgingly sipping his spiked black coffee. It was a disgusting punishment for his sweet tooth despite Blaise's logical thinking that the strength of both the caffeine and potion would relieve Draco of the aches he had.

Never again was he drinking with a muggle contraption nearby. The small phone was currently resting in his pocket, seemingly warming up and burning a hole in his trousers as Draco replayed his idiotic actions in his head.

"A dick pic, as muggles have been calling it." Pansy had explained while wrinkling her nose and toying with her drink garnish. "I just don't understand the appeal of them."

It was then Draco had went barmy, presumably affected by the countless drinks and reappearance of his childhood obnoxiousness, and proceeded to explain the "benefits" of said dick pics. "Maybe for arousal or humor." To which Pansy had responded with a shake of her head, continuing with her own, most likely completely correct, defense.

He felt like there was an intelligible silly speech that he was forgetting but whatever. The memory wasn't anything Draco would be rushing to a pensieve for. Draco had already realized he was an absolute arsehole, hanging his head a little in shame. Thank Merlin the lift was empty so he could just wallow alone for a minute or two.

Attempting to defend dick pics didn't even top the list of worst things ever done last night. A stifled groan left Draco as he gently hit his head against the wall. He couldn't even consciously remember the actual taking of the photo as it was all a drunken blur, having only woken up to the sinking feeling that he'd done something stupid and Blaise's dry condolences.

"Minister of Magic's floor." The lift announced, the doors opening to reveal the shiny marble floor. Otherwise known as Draco's doom.

 _Fuck fuck fuck_ was the only thing repeating in Draco's head as he walked towards Granger's door on his way to apologize. If dick pics were horrid in general, he couldn't imagine how bad unsolicited ones were.

He lifted a hand to knock even though they were the only ones on the floor at the moment, other workers arriving at 9 as Hermione liked to be the first to arrive and settle in. Only today, he noticed that Hermione's door had a note on it asking there be no disturbances whatsoever with the exception of extreme emergencies.

Draco stood across the door, puzzled at the situation. Had he pissed off Hermione so much, she was debating whether to fire him or kill him? Or...both? A slight shiver ran through Draco as he considered what Hermione, the bloody Minister of Magic, was capable of. Truth be told, he couldn't care much about being fired. If Draco had destroyed the friendship they had built over the past years, he wouldn't know what to do with himself.

"Draco? Could you come in, please?"

The airy call snapped Draco out of his stupor, leaving him to swallow down as much nervousness as possible and open the door. Traditional conventions of Malfoys never showing fear had gone out the window by now. Hermione would probably read him like a book once they'd make eye contact.

Sitting at her desk, the tip of Hermione's quill polds at the edge of her mouth while she surveyed a piece of parchment. She glancing up as the Draco shut the door, nodding for him to take a seat.

"Do you know why I called you in here?" Hermione made a vague hand waving motion. She looked on expectantly at Draco, eyebrows raised in patience.

Draco started, "Because." He took a deep breath, his voice edging on a squeak. "I accidentally sent you a dick pic."

"Accidentally?" Hermione asked surprised as she abruptly waved her hand again, the sound of a liquid sloshing following her question.

Draco turned in his seat to see a tall, levitating bottle cease to pour wine into two glasses. There was a still pause, Hermione biting her lip and Draco perplexed and hesitating.

"Yes, Granger. It was completely by accident." He turned back around with a lingering confused expression on his face. "And I am so sorry you had to see th-"

Hermione interrupted him, "So it wasn't on purpose? Also Granger? I thought we were friends, Draco." She frowned, crossing her arms against her chest.

"No, it wasn't, I was, er. Drunk." Draco began before summarizing the entire night to her, receiving the occasional nods of understanding.

"But also, Granger." A pointed look from Hermione corrected Draco. "Hermione." Draco cleared his throat, taking the leap and just going with Blaise's advice. To hell with it and whatnot. "I've fancied you for ages."

Yet another silence filled the room, slowly stifling Draco as the seconds felt like hours in the wait.

"Well now, it all works out doesn't it?" Hermione smiled at Draco, waving her hand once more before handing him a glass of wine.

It took Draco a minute until realization filled his face, responding to Hermione with his own widening smile and a clink of their glasses.


End file.
